Avarie

avarie @ 2009-07-22T20:16:00

2009-07-23T00:22:02Z

Im going to have to stop lying to myself. the evidence is right there for me to see. All that time adn money wasted, trying to fit into something that is so obviously wrong. The truth is, I am not a 40D. It looks like i have gone up a cup size, and have refused to admit it. I have destroyed 3 bras in 3 months, asking them to contain somthing beyond they ability to do so. *sigh* 40DD it is. at least my husband is happy. Besides, they look good on me. ^_^

avarie @ 2009-06-05T09:30:00

2009-06-05T13:31:54Z

I'm still here, i just do alot of lurking adn mostly read my friends page. i keep most of my day to day updates on Facebook. So look for me there f you want to talk to me. ^_^

avarie @ 2009-05-11T22:54:00

2009-05-12T02:55:25Z

i'm still alive. i just am on face book more. i'm the same as always, okay one minute, and crazy angry the next. going to church to see if i can refind my faith. or soem direction. who knows.

avarie @ 2009-04-08T21:38:00

2009-04-09T01:34:34Z

my phone blew up, so i lost everyones numbers. T_T i'll hide the answers or you can email me or just call me w/e.

okay

2009-04-01T12:13:49Z

So i have been sorta worried about this for a bit, and i finally checked it out.I guess everything changes form here on out. I'm, pregnant. I dont know how i feel about this yet. and i havent told david. theres no net at home, and he never checks this anyways. Fuck.

avarie @ 2009-03-16T10:52:00

2009-03-16T15:03:38Z

Once again, faced with the silence in my house, I find myself dwelling far too much on myself and my mind. I almost feel like my mind is in a constant struggle to spiral down into insanity, and everything I do is to distract it from that descent. For instance, reading. I immerse myself in other people’s world, so that I don’t have to face my own hollow life. After all, I’m going to be 24 and what do I have to show for it? I couldn’t handle college, mostly because I was so sure I already knew what they were teaching me. Talk about pride, I seriously over estimated my own intelligence. Reading fast and remembering everything you read doesn’t make you smart, it makes you a fucking copy machine. Or maybe a flash drive. Its all just copy and paste folks. It carries over into everything, video games, manga, movies, Getting lost in fantasy, making up imaginary people who can do all of the things I never can and never will do.

Eternally Mediocre in all that I do. I don’t stand out, I have no talents. I spend most of my time alone, in spite of being married, its not his fault, its his job, but who can afford to quit a shit job nowadays? So he goes in to work for us. For me. I don’t deserve it. I am selfish, mean and petty. I am being honest with myself. I suppose I must have good points, after all, I do have a handful of friends and a husband, I must be doing something right, but in my current mood, none come to mind.

I can’t shake this feeling of being trapped in a life I didn’t want. Maybe because I am physically trapped, who knows? To look into my significant other’s eyes and see my own desperation reflected. I can’t help but feel that I dragged him down with me. He denies it, but he was going places before, he should have finished school by now, but instead he is throwing bags at the airport just to make ends meet. We see each other only at night. I do blame myself, and no matter what I always will, my guilt will remain. If he ever had a chance to make something of himself, I’d let him go.

I guess what I’m saying, is that I am extremely dissatisfied with my life. I hate it. I hate this city. I hate that I don’t have a car. I hate that my laptop was stolen. I hate that you work hard for something, and people just come and take it away. I hate that I’m bitter. I hate being alone, and spending my whole day waiting for someone to come home. I want to throw it all away, my name my responsibilities, my life. I wish we could just up and move somewhere and start over. I know David would come with me, it’s his wish too, he said it out loud first. While I don’t condone it, I can sorta understand those people who have been killing their families and themselves because of the strain of everyday life.

I’m not looking for attention, this isn’t a suicide note. I just need to let this out, and I don’t really have anyone to talk to. I talk to Meli, but she isn’t very vocal, and she is just as depressed as I am. I really need to get her a companion, I can’t bear to see her like this, if anyone knows of somebody giving away small puppies, please let me know. I’ll end this here, before you guys get your black, and paint me emo.

Here to Cheer you up, I present Bling the Ghetto chocolate easter bunny!

avarie @ 2009-01-17T13:34:00

2009-01-17T18:37:18Z

okay, you my last post? same thing, this time we cught them in front of the house in bruce's truck. they took off and with the police we set aobut trying to catch them, no luck, but, i feel a bit better now, since we are leaving in a few days, and now they know we are willing to fight them adn fucking chase them down. learn to work for shit, stop stealing from people who do!

They came back.

2008-12-16T20:39:40Z

@#$%#$%&#%!$%@#$%^@#$%@#^%$!!!!!!!!!

but they didnt get anything, david adn bruce were home. but i wish they had caught the dumb fucks.

avarie @ 2008-12-16T08:12:00

2008-12-16T13:53:38Z

Yesterday, osme time between 11:30am and 3pm my house was broken into. the thing that they took were material, however, if they wanted to really hurt us, all they had to do was kill our dog too. which they didnt, thank god. They took my laptop, and david's ps3, bruces ipod and his gun. It looks like they were interrupted, because they didnt get downstairs, and they had rolled up bruce's laptop, but left it.

They came in through the window on the second floor in teh back. no we didnt leave it open or unlocked, but they got in anyways. My biggest fear is that they will come back. like i said, they looked like they were interrupted halfway, but they got a good look at everything they left, and they know now that our house is full of "goodies". no we didnt have renter's insurance. no the p[olice did nothing but check finger prints, and thats only because the sunday before last an old lady across the street from us opened her door to have a gum shoved in her face and be robbed.

I cant really put into words teh devestating rage and pain that i feel. My home has been violated. the walls dont feel safe, and i could not sleep last night. My laptop, with files i have carried from computer to computer for years is gone. my whole life was in it, we sacrificed so much to get it. DAvid's ps3, which they dont even make any more, gone. they only hope is that they pawn it, of they do, the pawn shop has to enter its serial in a database, and the cops can check that, plus they have dectectives only for going into pawn shops adn looking for stolen items. both cops that i spoke to said that there is a good chance that they will pawn the laptop, the people who do these sort of crimes arent generally computer savy. they said the ps3 is probably gone forever.

I only ask that if you guys can, keep us in your prayers, and pray had for my laptop please, warrenties dont stand for shit when your stuff is stolen. and pray that they dont come back, because when they do, one us us will probably get hurt. they took our gun too. We are gonna put our hurricanes shutters up and see if that helps. as to wether we can stay there, i dont know, but we really cant afford to move in a hurry, or we'll end up in a worse situation.

"Borrowed" from Nissa~!

2008-12-04T16:12:19Z

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed. Well, let's see.
1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible(6 TIMES, I WAS OBSESSED AS A CHILD…)
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 1984 - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman (at least 500 times)
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (most of the works of Shakespeare?)
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams (whole series)
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis (doesnt that fall under chronicles?)
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery (READ THE WHOLE SERIES…)
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas(FAVORITE)
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams (FAVORITE)
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

So… 29…

After five years,

2008-11-18T13:25:56Z

Meli has changedc her number. and has apparently started talking about her self in the third person. anywhoo, If you want it and i havnet called you yet, (which is just aobut everyone, i only got it last night) drop me and email, i cant do text messages yet.

avarie @ 2008-11-04T23:36:00

2008-11-05T04:36:24Z

Yay Obama~!
Damn thats awsome~! and Florida for Obabma~! We did it right this year~! yeeaaah~!

avarie @ 2008-11-03T16:41:00

2008-11-03T21:44:46Z

I said it wouldn’t happen to me. I whined and complained when I was coerced into joining. Yet… I keep going back. Just to check it I say. Maybe someone left me an important message. What if he/she replies to something I said.

Damn it.

Stupid Facebook.

I wonder if anyone replied…..

If you are Hispanic,

2008-10-28T17:37:45Z

you know that this is how we roll...

yeah, all thats missing is a gallon of water in the passenger seat and a wire hanger for an antenna...

I feel Dirty

2008-10-23T20:24:14Z

For the sake of getting in touch with on old friend, i opened a myspace account. I feel like a Whore. T_T

I have sold my immortal soul to the devil! I will burn in hell~!
I must cover my body with sackcloth,a dn my hair with ashes!
Woe is me~! I shall brush my hair over my face!

I am feeling sorry for myself, and am appranetly lacking attention!

/emo

avarie @ 2008-10-07T09:01:00

2008-10-07T13:18:14Z

okay its been a while so some small updates.... meli pissed me off and is on punishment:

Mwuahahaha!

and, we got a kitteh.....yeah I know, but no, I'm not out to kill my husband, the kitten is so young I figured she wouldnt set him off, and i was right, plus I gave her a good wash... my brother was gonna take her to the pound, and i just couldnt let that happen. T_T

O_O funny thing is that she has this big M on her head, so we had to give her an M name, so David decided on Mira, although the way she bites me at night I'm considereing monster. XDD others said we should name her majin....O_O and she likes david better than me, which is kewl, because meli likes me better. ^_^ so now we are even.

She's a little monster, but damn adorable!
anyways, I visted my mom the weeked before last, for Isabel's b-day party, had fun went to a kewl beach by cape canaveral called jetty beach, adn i saw 4 sea turtles, just like finding nemo~! and my mom even went swimming, which she never ever ever does at the beach, this is likethe third time in my whole life i have ever seen her do it!

so all is give or take the same or very different, dunno. work is good, love my job. ^_^ and i know now what i want to study, its just matter of finding classes that match my schedule, my options are either UM classes after 5:30 to give me time to get there, or later evening classes at MDC wolfson campus, which i can reach via the metrorail. i wnat to study business administration, adn a few languages, hopefully aim for international business. ^_^

My Next Project

2008-09-05T15:05:21Z

This is my rough sketch for my next photoshop project, mostly just getting the lines laid out. (more or less)

Damn you Ike!

2008-09-05T00:16:04Z

Fucking Hurricane Ike, ruined my damn vacation. My mom was gonna make me cookies. T_T and a piggy. Why?!!

XKCD Said it Best:

2008-09-02T14:35:36Z

Hey Steph,

2008-08-27T12:39:46Z

I had the weirdest dream.

You wanted me to help you dye your hair like, rocker red.
but we had to do it before this like Cat. 45 hurricane devastated your side of Florida.
And you had to help your mom fly your sister to college and shutter up your house. (which magically was in Estero)
So we did it.
Bright rocker-red highlights. (I got blue)
It looked awsome.
The hurricane got us,
But we looked badass.

Tropic Thunder

2008-08-14T12:53:47Z

the movie was awsome. funniest shit i've seen this year, like serious laugh out in the theater. But, its not a kids movie, dont take anybody under like 17 to see it. The humor is somewhat obsene and vulgar, and incredibly funny. and i've heard about the protestors, and to be honest, they are full of shit. this movie, while it mentioned alot of "touchy" subjects, was really only making fun of one thing, actors. so protestors, shut the fuck up, nobody cares.

Watch this movie. You will laugh. I promise.

avarie @ 2008-07-02T11:20:00

2008-07-02T11:51:23Z

Been a long time since I updated. Lots of stuff has happened, we moved to a new townhouse, a 3/2 for $1150 a month. Not bad at all. It was built 2 years ago, but no one has ever lived in it. So its still got that new house smell, you know, paint and drywall. Xd.
Only thing is that we are engaged in an epic battle against the spiders and ants that have moved in while the house was unoccupied. Yes the owner was supposed to take care of that, but we had to move in early cuz of davids parents, so in extange for not charging for those days, he didn't spray. Ah well, we just gotta bomb it. For the moment, bug spay is very effective.
Yes we are living with davids parents again, rather they are living with us. Their elder son lost both houses through overwhelming stupidity and lazyness, then hightailed it to spain, leaving his parents with 20 days to find a place to live or move under a bridge. So david and I broke our lease at the apartment and rented the townhouse, one of the only places that would allow Honey, David's brothers pitbull, which he left because his mother said she was attached to her and would just die if she was separated from. Plus our dog meli and our walking meat tank, Gordy. When we went to see the townhouse, I asked her 3 times, are you alright with this townhouse? Before we sign anything are you sure? Etc. Yes on all accounts. We move in and with in 2 weeks she is like oh, I hate this place, curse the day we moved in, why did we move to such a terrible place?! Wait what? You hate this place because it has security and no one can get in with out a gate card or being rung in? Because in a city where crime is rising, we have a relativly safe place? Plus, you chose this place, if it was just david and I, we could have found better, especially without that damn dog, which she didn't want anymore.
Now I don't wanna be misleading, while david and I did sacrifice, it wasn't like it was a noble one, it was also convinent for us, the apartment was lonely and small, and we have a terrible habit of forgetting to buy food. So we reached an agreement, david and I pay rent, they pay water and power and supply groceries. Considering that we are hardly home to use power and water and eat, it works out pretty well. Plus now we have company. They don't make enough between the two of the, to take even our old apt, which was only 680 a minth, for miami that's dirt cheap.
To make it more comfy for them, we took the two smaller rooms and left them with the master bedroom and the rest of the house. In other words, our friends and games etc are in the other room and they gat the house nice and quiet. A nice setup I think. Never a thank you only complaints. So they get a call from one of those goverment apts, so they tell us, hey we are moving out cuz you can't keep your promises. Promises? Like we would put a roof over your heads, finda place that would let us have that dumb mutt, and pay the rent and let them have almost the whole house? Wait, we did all that. So as to what promises we broke, I dont know. W/e if they wanna move out that's ok, david and I can pay the bills and still have money left over.
I just wish they would at least say thank you, that's all I'd like, and maybe for them to acknowlege that its was their seconds best son (in their eyes) who put a roof over their heads, and the son who they put on a pedistal who put them on the street. But I guess that's asking too much.
Anyways, they will be moving August 1st, and I think we are better off, plus we get that big house to ourselves, totaly independent. And we are keeping Gordy, meli isn't happy alone.

avarie @ 2008-06-15T11:57:00

2008-06-15T16:02:13Z

yay for new lj layout, well, more like background and colors..but i worked really hard on the lotus for het background, the circle is a neat brush i found at a site called Obsidian Dawn they have loads of awsome brushes. ^_^ but the damn lotus took me ages, but i like it lots. i have a wallpaper thats made to the size of my laptop, but since i check my lj on different computers, i tied to make it less specific.

my truck is fixed~! yay~! no more walking from the bus stop and i can go back to class (karate) ^__^ banana belt away~!

Anyways this cake is great~!

2008-06-06T17:51:11Z

Happy birthday Tania but remember, The cake is a lie~! but the companian cube will be with you until incinerater do you part.

^__^
i gotta get the little jingle the radio plays for your ringtone. lawls

Diet Mistakes

2008-05-15T12:15:41Z

Yesterday, I did a horrible thing. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until it was too late. I ordered pizza in for lunch at work you know? Bob and I went over to the lunch room to eat it. That was my big mistake, I didn’t realize that when I brought the little pizza boxes in that there were so many people having lunch. They were all in there, counting their calories, weight watching, eating salad..... They were all watching us, as we enjoyed our pepperoni pizzas, the delicious aroma filling the room. They watched, forks half way to their mouths, forgotten dry lettuce falling off the tines, as we consumed our devilishly bad for you pizza.

I’ll try to be more considerate next time… I wonder how many of them went home and broke their diets?

This brings to mind another subject that’s been on my mind lately, it’s gotten kinda awkward for me to talk to people like vegans and soy and crap. I don’t personally like the idea of eating like that at all, I’m happy eating they way I am…. Well, when I do eat. But like, it almost gives me that feeling like, pushing religion… its like, instead of, “Have you found Jesus yet?”, its, “Have you found Soy Milk yet?” its getting weird in the lunch room, people making the Sign of the Tofu at my Whole Milk (yup, red cap and all) in the fridge….

Today's Lunch menu, Left over Pizza, Real Cheese, Real Meat(sorta) and chock full of preservatives. Delicious~!